I’ve been missing in action for some time.
I teased both Judith and Kim about them doing the same – and quite rightly got the pot/kettle reaction. Lol
After Sue died I found my words disappeared. Quite literally. I was unable to string more than a few words together at a time. And I wanted to hibernate from the world – not to sleep – it seems sleep is still beyond me at the moment, but to shut myself away from everyone.
I’m getting a little better. The horror is fading.
Sue went into Hospice because she was unable to breathe. They put her on oxygen and antibiotics for what they thought was a chest infection.
She got worse. Much worse.
The struggle to breathe consumed her. She was first unable to eat, then unable to even talk.
Ten horrendous, ghastly days.
She was in no pain. Hospice was wonderful – both to her and to us.
But Sue was completely unable to give up. I was with her all day, every day.
The relief when she finally died was overwhelming. She died very quietly, at dawn on the most gloriously beautiful morning. When I got home from Hospice, my kitchen was full of rainbows – we both hang crystals in our windows. It seemed just right.
She had been embroidering in her last months – once study was over.
This is where she left it. I have taken over and will finish it.
This is how far I have done, and you can see how far I have to go. It has been a form of meditation for me. Something to get me back to myself, if that makes any sense at all.
Ok you’ve got me. I will start blogging again soon, so many nagging bloggers out there making me feel like a slacker!
The embroidery meditation is beautiful.
I’m glad to see your post, Janet. While I have no siblings and so can’t write that I know from experience what you’ve gone through, but I do know Grief. And I know it can take a long, long, long time to Journey through it.
The embroidery is stunning. And it will be a wonderful, deeply meaningful way to honour and remember Sue.
Lots of hugs and Light to you and your family. My wish for you is peace in your heart and soul. And sleep too. Purrs from Nicki and Derry.
Janet…so happy to see your post. What a beautiful embroidery…and how touching that you should finish it. We went through a similar thing with my father-in-law. It taught me that perhaps the spirit is ready to leave, but the body has a mind of it’s own sometimes. Grueling for the individual and the family members, to say the least! When my own father died (we were not close) I went through a very similar thing that you are. Sometimes shutting away, quiet reflection, allows one to deeply heal. Bless your heart…I think of you often friend. Ina
Oh my God, your post just freaked me out. Not being able to breathe must have been horrendous for Sue and you. Ten days? That is so sad to let someone suffer so long. Stu’s sister also couldn’t breathe and she struggled for three days before she died – seeing her was dreadful so I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.
The embroidery is gorgeous… stunning!! Such a tribute to your sister to finish it.
The Hospice people said she wasn’t suffering. They gave her all the drugs they could.
But the truth is, you would be prosecuted – and rightly so – if you allowed a creature to die like that.
It has shaken me so badly that I have vowed to either live for ever, or to be shot down in a blaze of glory.
I simply don’t have the courage, grace or dignity that Sue had.
On the topic of death–choosing how/when to die when terminally ill is a hot topic here right now. That is, assisted suicide. Difficult subject, no matter if you’re on one side of the fence or the other, or perched on the fence about it. If I’m lying in a hospital bed, terminally ill and just hanging on, I’d like someone to just give me a little extra in the IV. It IS done by some doctors, so I’ve heard from a few people who’ve been through this with relatives, but it’s hush-hush, of course.
Life is crazy, isn’t it? Wonder why so many of us (me) take it so seriously. Too absurd.
Hugs.
Anyone who has ever loved and euthanised an animal (you and me, for instance), know that euthanasia is not an easy option. XO
Sent from my iPad
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Janet,
I dont know if you are still checking this blog or not, but…
my baby Hunter is dying…
He is having Hyperthyroidism, diabetes, and kidney failure
He has no energy left to fight those diseases at the age of 19.
I have to let him go but cant imagine life without him.
Its too fearful to decide to put him down.
How are you handling the loss of your sister and Bella?
How Is Yoshi?
Hope the best for you and your family.
Oh Kyo!
I am so very sorry.
I know how much you love your Hunter. He is such a beautiful boy and you will miss him terribly.
Deciding to put a much loved companion to sleep is the bravest and most difficult thing you will ever have to do,but it is the right thing to do.
I know you know this. I also know that it will not be easy for you.
You will grieve for him for the rest of your life. I am weeping now – for you both.
He needs you to do this for him now.
Much, much love to you.