I’ve been missing in action for some time.
I teased both Judith and Kim about them doing the same – and quite rightly got the pot/kettle reaction. Lol
After Sue died I found my words disappeared. Quite literally. I was unable to string more than a few words together at a time. And I wanted to hibernate from the world – not to sleep – it seems sleep is still beyond me at the moment, but to shut myself away from everyone.
I’m getting a little better. The horror is fading.
Sue went into Hospice because she was unable to breathe. They put her on oxygen and antibiotics for what they thought was a chest infection.
She got worse. Much worse.
The struggle to breathe consumed her. She was first unable to eat, then unable to even talk.
Ten horrendous, ghastly days.
She was in no pain. Hospice was wonderful – both to her and to us.
But Sue was completely unable to give up. I was with her all day, every day.
The relief when she finally died was overwhelming. She died very quietly, at dawn on the most gloriously beautiful morning. When I got home from Hospice, my kitchen was full of rainbows – we both hang crystals in our windows. It seemed just right.
She had been embroidering in her last months – once study was over.
This is where she left it. I have taken over and will finish it.
This is how far I have done, and you can see how far I have to go. It has been a form of meditation for me. Something to get me back to myself, if that makes any sense at all.